grief waves : unpredictable surges of sorrow
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“what is grief, if not love persevering”
~ vision
grief is as powerful as the largest ocean. its surges crash and recede, disrupting stability and sense of self. they have no rhyme nor reason. they have little concern for your present and no consideration of your future vision
like other conflicts, grief waves have traditionally been mishandled with the same endless loop of labeling, compartmentalizing, and blame-game that fuels perpetual talk and treatment. while this status quo sounds complex and intellectual, it rarely delivers anything tangible in the present . . .
the american psychiatric association (apa) publishes the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (dsm-5-tr). and for all its accolades and follower, it does not even list grief as a diagnosable mental disorder. instead, only when grief becomes prolonged and intensely impairing does it fall under prolonged grief disorder - marked by persistent yearning, emotional pain, and difficulty accepting the loss, with symptoms lasting at least twelve months that cause significant impairment. this abandons people
the world health organization (who) in the icd-11 is more direct, recognizing prolonged grief disorder as a distinct diagnosis - persistent and pervasive grief response characterized by longing for the deceased or significant emotional pain, accompanied by difficulty accepting the death, feeling that life is meaningless, or intense emotional numbness. like so many other conflicts, grief is multi-factorial with no absolute certainties
even the oxford english dictionary traces “grief” to old french grever, from latin gravis - heavy. “wave” originally described a moving ridge of water, later applied to surges of emotion - a sudden, powerful rise and fall that can overwhelm
combine the above dismissive and inadequate support for those drawing in grief, especially immediately upon a death, most attempt to comfort the grieving with greeting card placations such as “it gets easier”, “they are in a better place” and “time heals all wounds”
a death, expected or not, is not loss
it is a hole that cannot be filled
it is an amputation of the soul
and the codex cannot undue that. it can however help strengthen the parts that remain. to help you tread water when you need to, and help you swim towards purpose
it casts aside all the checklists, all the labels, all the noise, and asks you to focus on three elements — a compass, totem and chain
when viewed through the lens of the codex, many conflicts, problems or troubling thoughts can become clearer. it inspires you to ask questions - not for ‘healing’ - but to help you find a more manageable, clearer path
grim’s compass . . .
- would any “shoulda, coulda, woulda” have changed the outcome?
continuity totem . . .
- which part of me - body, mind, or soul is drowning, and what can still float?
sacred chain . . .
- can i learn to stop fighting the waves and learn to float?
the codex is not a book of answers. it is not a magical salve for your pain. it inspires questions - questions that can help illuminate a path to acceptance, alignment, and authenticity in the present
remember : “i’ve never been the same since my brother died. there is a melancholy in me that never goes away. i’m 50% happy and 50% sad at any given moment. and the only advice i can give people for when you lose someone like that . . . is . . . you won’t ever get over it. and the more you know that and embrace it, the better off you are. i don't want to forget my brother, and i don't want to forgot what it felt like when he died because he deserves it. that’s how important he was to me. so if i have to suffer and if i have to be sad for the rest of my life, and i have to be lonely without him, without his particular thing, his sense of humor, and what he brought to my life, then that’s the way i honor him” ~ billy bob thornton